


All Feelings Aside

by liability (overstatements)



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Anti-Hero, Anti-Villain, Assassins, Bisexual Natasha Romanov, Black Character(s), Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Family, Female Anti-Hero, Female Anti-Villain, Help, I'm not joking - Freeform, Lesbian Character, Slow Burn, Spies, this is so gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-05-25 06:26:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14971025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/overstatements/pseuds/liability
Summary: Natasha Romanov hardly let herself dream of love. She tried to allow herself a glimpse of a life of love with Bruce Banner, Steve Rogers, or Bucky Barnes, but it became too much in the end. There wasn't a way for her to look at it and not want it.She contented herself with nights of dreams filled with people she wished she had to courage to love. Never once did she think of acting on those thoughts. She played coy until they did too, and then she pulled back.When a new villain arises, she's ready to put an end to them right away. There's one thing holding the Avengers back from putting the villain down:The public loves the villain.





	1. Beloved Heroes

Everyone possesses a heartbeat. Whether or not that heart beats for someone is dependent on the person.

Natasha Romanov has had her heart skip beats for people. One lingering look or even glance leads her heart a pumping mess.

She, like everyone else, was a slave to her feelings.

Over and over again, her heart has been torn out in front of her and smashed to pieces. Every fiber of her being has been ripped apart so she could become the perfect weapon.

Yet, she was still faulty. She’s fallen in love more times than one hand could count, and she hides her feelings behind cold eyes that fill deadly pleasure. Her life was one battle after another, a screaming cacophony of murder.

This was the normal for Natasha Romanov. She made no changes because this was where she was comfortable: her hand on a gun.

It was clear to the other Avengers that this was a touchy subject. She knew that they wanted to talk to her about it, but she would always ignore their questions and move onto the next thing. A word never left her lips. There were unlike the tears that fell from her eyes when the nightmares became to much. The nightmares screamed the same thing over and over again.

She would be alone in the end. She is alone.

Sometimes the screams were silent as she soaked her pillow with tears as memories flooded her mind. Other times, they were as loud as they were in her head.

The bodies of the people that she killed flashed in her mind over and over until they slowly turned into the Avengers, her friends, and their blood soaked her hands. The bloody screams from Wanda who called her a murderer. Yes, that’s what she was. She’s a murderer, a murder, a murderer, a murderer, a-

“Natasha!” a voice screamed while shaking her shoulders. In seconds, Natasha had them pinned down with her hands around their neck, squeezing until she could feel their gasp for breath underneath her fingers.

“Natasha,” the voice said, struggling to speak as Natasha squeezed. Slowly, she came to recognize where she was.

She was in her room, not somewhere she didn’t know. She was choking someone who wasn’t her target. She didn’t need to kill them.

Her hands went limp around the man’s neck as his own hands went up to rub his now tender neck. Natasha’s eyebrows knitted together at she looked at the man closely.

“Clint?” Natasha questioned, pushing herself off of his body and back on her side of the bed. The man looked up at her and nodded as he kept rubbing his neck.

“Are you okay?” Clint asked. This wasn’t the first time that he’s been the victim of Natasha. This was a common occurrence when waking her from nightmares. Natasha was just glad he kept doing it. The nights with the silent screams were the longest.

“Fine,” Natasha said, not looking at Clint anymore. She couldn’t bear to see how he rubbed his tender neck. If Laura said this, she doubted that Laura would want her around Clint.

She doubted she’d want her around the kids.

“No, you’re not,” Clint said, putting a hand on Natasha’s arm. She froze under the introduction of his touch until she assured herself that it was just Clint, not anybody else. It was just Clint touching her arm. She was safe. Clint wouldn’t hurt her.

“What are you doing here?” Natasha asked, trying her best to change the subject. She knew that Clint was disappointed with how she was handling her feelings, but she wouldn’t do it anyway else.

“There’s a new mission,” Clint told her, and slowly she brought her eyes back over again. She only stared into his eyes as she refused to allow her eyes to assess the damage she did to his neck. His voice was still rough.

“I thought you retired,” Natasha said, quirking an eyebrow. She was feigning playfulness, a hard feat when there were tear tracks down her cheeks.

A small smile came on Clint’s face. “I thought I did, too,” Clint laughed. “The kids were disappointed when I left. Laura was going to build a birdhouse with them, and then I would help paint it.”

Her own smile infiltrated her lips as she thought about the kids. Clint’s family was the closest thing she had to a family, other than the Avengers. But even the Avengers had their quarrels that ripped them apart.

The smile fell from her face when she saw the bruise forming on his neck. She cleared her throat as she looked back into his eyes.

“You should put some ice on that,” Natasha advised quietly, the guilt prominent in his voice.

“Nat, I’m fine. It was just an accident. This won’t kill me,” Clint said, before smiling again. “Besides something the kids’ll do will kill me before you could ever try.”

She tried to smile. She really did. She wanted to laugh at the joke and forget about the memories that plagued her mind. There was an annoying parasite in her mind, however, that kept dragging the thought that she’ll be the one to kill Clint to the front of her mind. She couldn’t get rid of it no matter how hard she tried.

“What have they been up to?” Natasha questioned, begging for Clint to elaborate on the kids so maybe her mind would move on to the next thing.

Clint smiled widely as he began to tell stories of his kids. Natasha watched the way his eyes lit up as he spoke excitedly about how they planted their garden together this year. 

A sinking feeling in her heart almost wiped it off, but it stayed there just so Clint was convinced she was alright.

Her head leaned on his shoulder as he recounted story after story about the kids. The grin slowly wiped off of his face as Clint’s words slowly mingled together until it was just Natasha awake, staring at a wall as her best friend laid his head on top of hers and slept.

Natasha sighed as she stared at the wall. It was blank. The whole room felt blank, and her heart was no different. Only Clint’s soft breathing reminded her that she was not in limbo.

The stories of Cooper and Lila replayed in his head as she tried to play them out in her mind. It was a poor distraction from the weight on her heart. No matter how hard she tried, the realization that she would never be able to have something like that was a constant reminder in her head.

Natasha would never have love. She didn’t deserve it.


	2. Biting Tongues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited my dudes

She didn’t kill.

Natasha found it strange that she didn’t. A person like this woman was someone you would expect to kill. You’d expect there to be a bodycount to go along with her name, but there wasn’t.

“We’re sure?” Steve questioned. He voiced the question they were all asking within their own heads. There wasn’t a bodycount?

“Yes. There is no known person to be killed by the Revolution. Branches of the organization have killed, but none have been claimed by the Revolution itself,” Vision finalized. Their question was answered, yet they were still confused.

How can their group, their leader, not have a bodycount that follows them around? The Avengers themselves had their own body counts for various reasons, and yet a radical organization killed no one.

“When was the Revolution founded?” Natasha asked. Their name was everywhere, so they weren’t new.

“Three years ago,” Vision answered again. “Multiple statistics have shown that the amount of crime has decreased since the Revolution came into the public setting.”

“This is after they went above ground?” Clint questioned. Vision nodded. “Then how do we know they weren’t an organization for longer?”

Everyone thought over the question. How did they know whether Clint was right or wrong? There was no way to tell, unless the person who formed it told them. Even then, she could be lying with her words.

“She needs to be apprehended before she causes more havoc,” Steve said. His face was hardened as he thought of the Revolution. They were just another organization that wanted power. They were just like Hydra.

“You’re forgetting the world loves her,” Wanda said, a graveness to her voice. “If we arrest Anahit without warrant, the world will riot.”

Natasha had to admit that Anahit was smart. She knew how to go about something like this. Within the span of a few years, she had almost the entire world loving her. Not even the Avengers could make a statement like that.

“I say we just arrest her for war crimes,” Tony shrugged. Natasha turned her glare to him.

“We just said we couldn’t do that,” Sam monotoned. Everyone turned their own icy glares on him.

Again, Tony shrugged. Natasha didn’t know how he could be so casual about something like this. This woman was changing the shape of the world, and he could simply shrug about it.

“She’s causing more havoc the more time we let her go. She’s destroyed buildings, hasn’t she? That’s a crime,” Tony said. “I also remember one of those buildings being mine. Bam, crime. Let’s arrest her.”

Natasha wondered what was happening in his mind. He didn’t really look at anyone as he sipped the scotch he had poured himself before the meeting. It slid into his mouth as he set the glass down rather roughly.

Everyone considered the idea. Buildings had been destroyed, but no one could confirm it was Anahit herself who did such things. People had murdered other people in her name, but nobody could confirm anything Anahit herself did.

“By my calculations, people will still riot exponentially following her arrest,” Vision said, before hesitating a moment. “There would be less rioters, however, if we do it quickly and quietly with substantial warrant for it.”

Steve looked to each and every one of the Avengers carefully. “So we’re all in agreement to arrest her?”

Nobody spoke as they all analyzed each other’s movements. Sam shook his head saying, “Things weren’t this complicated before.”

Natasha rolled her eyes before looking back to Steve. “Yes, we are.”

He nodded, a grave look in his eyes. One way or another, the Revolution would be brought down. If that caused a riot, they’ll handle it. This organization was not good for the world, and they would make them realize it.

Anahit was, after all, only there for personal gain.

_____

 

“You seemed hesitant,” Natasha informed Clint as they walked out of the meeting room. Clint furrowed his brow softly as the lines that curved his face deepened.

Natasha stared straight ahead as they walked, her head held high. She was a clear contrast to what she had been like only hours ago when Clint was telling her stories.

“What do you mean?” Clint questioned.

A sigh left Natasha’ lips. “You know what I mean. You didn’t seem like you wanted to arrest Anahit. Why?”

Silence filled the space between them as the tension threatened to replace it. Natasha waited for an answer while Clint moved his stare from her to the hallway ahead of them.

“What has she done to warrant an arrest? It just seems off that she would do those things. It wasn’t like there were people in the buildings,” Clint said, trying to defend the hesitation that crept into his voice and words.

“She’s trying to make a change that she insists the world needs. She’s another Loki, another Ultron,” Natasha said, sure of her answer. She insisted she knew what the world needed and that she knew how to fix the world when all she truly wanted was power. Anahit was not the first of her kind.

She was, however, the first to gain worldwide approval.

“What’s she done to claim that power? She puts others before herself,” Clint insisted, and Natasha opened her mouth to retaliate before she realized that she couldn’t.

No words could make it out of her mouth as she thought of every situation Anahit made herself known. She’s saved people, yes. She’s never hurt them, though. Perhaps she’s taken the pedestal they stood on away, but that was it. Anahit wasn’t selfish.

Natasha didn’t want to admit it. Instead, she walked in silence alongside Clint until they walked past her doorway where she promptly went inside.

She mindlessly grabbed clothing and weapons. Her mind and body were on autopilot as she thought about the situation over and over again. 

Clint was wrong. He had to be. Anahit was a villain. Anyone who opposes power like her is a criminal, a villain waiting to be arrested. She only wants fame for other’s burdens.

Anahit was a villain. Nothing would convince her otherwise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's short. it's shitty. but it's there y'all.
> 
> i am so sorry that this took so long to write. there are now three versions of the beginning story on my computer and i literally hate myself.
> 
> hopefully i'll actually write the next chapter in decent timing.


	3. Brevity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited

She blended into the crowd flawlessly, her outfit like every other person’s here. Natasha was just another protestor, a Revolutionary, to the people around her.

All of these people could probably be tried and arrested for a crime they wished to cover up. Nobody wanted a change unless that change meant they were sinless. No one here was sinless, especially not the woman who hid among them.

Multiple chants were happening, and Natasha found herself yelling them alongside these people. They marched to the square where their leader, Anahit, would supposedly be. Natasha doubted that she would. Without ever meeting her, Natasha dubbed the woman a coward who hid behind words and false promises. She was a facade to a world that could never exist.

The woman who marched next to her was young. She was probably in college with her baggy sweatshirt that proclaimed the college she was in.

Natasha looked away, continuing to chant along with the rest of them. How did a girl as young as her get sucked into something like this?

There were counter protestors of course. They were fewer in number compared to the Revolutionaries, and it was obvious from the way the people ignored their voice that the counterers could not stop the Revolution, either.

The closer they got to their final destination, the more adrenaline flooded through Natasha’s veins. She’d be here any moment. That, or Natasha was right. Anahit was a coward.

“I have eyes on Anahit,” Sam said, and Natasha never wanted to admit to anyone that she was wrong. Anahit wasn’t a coward. Right now, at least. Who knew what she would do when the Avengers made themselves known.

“We found the main power box,” Steve said, referring to the part of the mission him and Tony were stuck with.

Natasha couldn’t say anything but the chants. She had to blend in and make herself seem like one of them.

The march stopped in the middle of a plaza. Sam was right. Anahit was there, standing tall amidst the crowd of people on a makeshift platform. Her back was stick straight, and Natasha could sense a double meaning about Anahit. Her words, Natasha realized, could not seem to match the deadly look in her eyes.

“Time moves quickly as most people would say,” Anahit began, drawing in the attention of the crowd.

“Power going off in 3, 2, 1,” Tony said, and he wasn’t lying. Right as he said one, the entire place went dark and the sound of Anahit’s voice was lost. Natasha found herself wanting the microphone to turn back on just to hear those words leave her lips. She realized what she was thinking, and she quickly shook her head.

She pushed through the crowd as they created mass chaos within the square. It was dark, and most people couldn’t see.

Natasha’s eyes swept through the crowd to the stage where she saw Anahit talking to other people. A sly smile made its way on her lips as she pushed through a little more.

“I have eyes on the target. She’s on the stage with two other people,” Natasha informed the rest of their team.

“Copy,” Steve said, and she knew he must have spotted her, too. “Close in quickly. She may be making plans of escape.”

She sifted through the crowd, threading herself through their panic. Anahit’s voice came loud from the stage as others began to repeat her orders for everyone to get to safety. Again, perhaps Natasha was wrong and she wouldn’t use them as a shield to hide behind.

There was still time for Anahit to change her mind, however.

Soon enough, Natasha stood near the stage. She slipped past the eyes of the man Anahit had previously been talking to. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw the rest of the team coming up on Anahit. It was only when she knew they had her surrounded did Natasha begin her advance again.

“The Black Widow,” Anahit stated, not looking behind her to see Natasha. The redhead narrowed her eyes and slowed her walk slightly. Steve’s shield glinted in the dying sun.

Anahit turned slowly in a circle, her eyes not missing any of the Avengers as a smirk split her face.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you all. When I was told the Avengers would be gracing us all with their presence, I thought they were a liar. It didn’t take long for me to find they weren’t. This is, really, a very pleasant meeting,” Anahit greeted, her circle stopping to face Natasha.

“You’re under arrest-” Steve began, making Anahit roll her eyes. Natasha’s hand found her gun as she prepared to shoot it at any moment.

“We all know why,” Anahit said, cutting Steve off. “You all think I’m the villain of the story. Your mind hardly strays from that of your masters’, does it not? You believe what you’re told. That will be your downfall.”

Natasha heard it before she saw it. A single bullet flew through the air, striking Hawkeye right in the arm. His groan of pain was heard just as Natasha clicked the safety of her gun off and pointed it straight at Anahit’s head.

She wore a grin both on her lips and in her eyes. The gun was still in her hand as Natasha glared at the girl.

Slowly, Anahit lowered the gun. She raised her hand in surrender, putting it down on the cement. Natasha, however, knew this wasn’t a real surrender. Anahit wouldn’t shoot somebody then just surrender at the sight of multiple weapons. She would’ve known that this would’ve happened if she would shoot him.

This, Natasha quickly realized, was a distraction.

“I’m going to advise that you all put your guns down,” Anahit said, and suddenly there were people draped in black pointing guns at each Avenger’s head. The grin never left Anahit’s face. It only made Natasha’s anger grow.

Clint staggered as he drew in a breath. Natasha knew that he was losing a lot of blood, and she was overcome with a decision as she had to decide whether or not to put her weapon down.

Anahit no longer held a gun to Clint, but someone else did. She couldn’t allow him to get shot again, not after what he did for her. He had children and a wife, people Natasha knew would never forgive her for letting him die.

She was the first to lower her weapon. Natasha didn’t put it all the way down, though. It hung at her side, her grip on the handle tight as she felt the barrel of a gun press against her head. Anahit’s eyes glared at her.

“Put your weapons down,” she repeated, the gun supporting the order.

Her grip went lax around the gun, and it clattered to the ground with a loud noise. Each of the other Avengers followed quickly, and Natasha knew that Clint would drop with them if they didn’t act soon.

“I thought you were against killing people,” Natasha spoke coolly, keeping her eyes on Anahit who was also watching Natasha closely. Natasha felt pleased that Anahit decided she was a threat, the biggest threat out of all of them.

“I am. That bullet won’t kill him,” Anahit said decisively. “I am, however, not against threats. So here mine is to you.

“If you ever threaten me again in the presence of innocent people, I will not hesitate to hurt you. I will not kill you, but you will wish I did.”

Anahit’s eyes scanned through each of the Avengers, and Natasha tried to find some kind of fear inside of her. There was none, however. No fear or brazen attitudes. Anahit was fearless, and Natasha realized how big of a threat she truly was.

The guns that were held to each of their heads were slowly lowered, but Natasha knew they were poised to shoot at any moment.

“I do not appreciate when people threaten innocent lives,” Anahit finalized.

“Then why are you threatening ours?” the Captain asked, and Anahit’s eyes whipped to him.

Natasha saw her opportunity coming. Her hand began to move slowly towards the hidden weapons she had on her figure, but she made sure her guard couldn’t see her movements.

“You, my dear Captain, are not innocent. No matter how many lives you save, no matter how many villains you topple, your soul, all of your souls, are still riddled with sins,” she spit at him. Her eyes went back to Natasha. “And there’s just too much red to wipe from your ledgers, I’m afraid.”

Her hand froze. Natasha’s eyes turned cold and her heart dropped as she stared back at Anahit. How did she know? How did she know the crimes Natasha was guilty of?

The blood was dripping from her ledger, and Natasha was drowning in it.

Natasha knew something was going to happen when a darkening silence came over every person in the square. It was when she heard Steve’s release of breath did she finally know what was going to happen.

She got down in an instant. Bullets began to fly around the square as she ducked behind a car. The person who had been guarding her fell to the ground as blood dripped from her body. The person was still writhing, however.

In moments, the entire situation changed when Natasha’s heart dropped. Her mind suddenly went back to the fact that Clint was still out there, and he couldn’t get out.

Natasha peaked between the windows of the car, and her stomach rolled at the sight of Clint in the middle of the square with Anahit and a few others around him.

Anahit herself held the gun to his head. She was looking at no one in particular, but she was waiting. The expression on her face was bored. Anahit wanted something to happen, and she didn’t want to wait for it.

The people standing around her were not as experienced as Natasha or Anahit. That much was obvious. They seemed a little unsure with their stances, but there was bravery in their eyes as they watched for any movement. Their hands were shaky but more steady than more unexperienced people.

She made eye contact with Wanda. The Sokovian was leaning against the car next to Natasha’s, and they met eyes quickly. Within a few quicky motions of her hand, Wanda understood what Natasha meant.

Wanda’s job would be to distract the guards somehow while Natasha retrieved Clint from Anahit’s grasp. She couldn’t allow Clint to be at the mercy of Anahit any longer.

The Sokovian waved her arms, red mist dancing along. A car flew up on the other side of the square, and all the guards turned to see what was happening. Even Anahit lost her focus for a second.

A second was all Natasha needed, however. She leaped from behind the back of the car and struck carefully.

The guards went down easily with the help of all the other Avengers. Natasha didn’t know whether they were dead or alive, but she didn’t care. Clint was still at Anahit’s mercy.

Anahit was forced to let Clint go from her hold as multiple Avengers began to attack. It didn’t take long for her to realize she was going to lose. A grin threatened to split her face as she delivered attack after attack at Anahit. She was going to win, not Anahit. Natasha would be victorious.

That was ruined when Anahit managed to slip from Natasha’s hold. Anger flooded her body as she tried to catch Anahit. Bullet after bullet chased after her, but Anahit could not be caught. She seemingly disappeared.

Anger bubbled inside of her as she stared at where Anahit had disappeared. She wanted to hit something, kill something, but she refrained.

“Natasha,” Wanda said, her voice urging Natasha out of her simmering fury. Her eyes whipped to the Sokovian and found her kneeling next to clint.

She was suddenly reminded of why she was fighting Anahit.

Her anger was still there, but she tried to contain it as she attended to Clint. Sam came to help, his experience in the military qualifying him to. Tony eventually came back from trying to find Anahit, and he got a quinjet to take them back to the Compound to get the correct equipment to help Clint.

Natasha watched Clint as he groaned in pain. She was sitting next to him as they flew.

“You’ll be okay,” Natasha said, her voice trying to be a comfort. Clint’s eyes found hers as he smiled at her. It came out more like a grimace, however.

“Of course I will. I still need to help paint that damned birdhouse,” Clint grimaced.

Natasha tried to share his smile, but she couldn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i decided to unpublish all chapters after this because nothing will make sense. this is the edited version of all feelings aside, and it does not match with following chapters.


	4. Red Devil

Doctor Cho healed Clint with ease, and Natasha was grateful for that. After Ultron happened, she hadn’t doubted her abilities. She still worried, however. Even if her eyes didn’t show it, she still worried.

“You don’t have to look tense all the time,” Clint said from beside her as Natasha slid her gaze over to him curiously. She didn’t feel tense. Instead, this was one of the most relaxed times she’s ever been since the Avengers encountered Anahit.

“I’m not,” Natasha said, a stiffness returning to her body. She couldn't relax now, not when her mind was brought back to what Anahit did. Just the thought of her made fury flood through her veins.

Clint narrowed his eyes at her as he analyzed her. “Yes, you are,” he said simply before his eyes averted back to the TV.

Natasha almost huffed in indignation. She was relaxed. Was, at least. Now, all she could think about was Anahit. The thought made her blood boil, and she remembered the fight that happened, Clint being shot, and the key part of the entire night.

The tracker Natasha slipped onto Anahit.

It was a nano-device developed by Tony Stark. He had said it was still in the beta stage, but let Natasha take a few any way. She was glad she did the moment she got the virtually undetectable device onto the antagonist. Because of the device, it was now just a waiting game until someone made their move.

With a clenching fist, Natasha stood up. She didn’t say a word as she exited the room. Clint would just presume that she was going to bed. Perhaps he was thinking if he would have to wake her up that night. She hoped that he wouldn’t have to.

The material of her suit slipped over her skin easily. Weapons were inserted all around her body as she shifted her weight. Her green eyes stared back at her in the mirror.

She looked away quickly before beginning her escape from the tower.

Tony, Vision, and Bruce were down in the lab where they wouldn’t exit for anything willingly. Steve, Sam, and Bucky were out on a run, and Thor wasn’t here. Clint was on the couch watching a movie. The only wild factor was Wanda.

She easily slipped into the elevator, beginning her descent to the garage. Her vehicle waited for her there.

As the cold night air clashed with her skin, Natasha tightened her grip on her motorcycle in anger. Anahit wouldn’t be hurting anyone else, not after tonight. She’d bring her in. Anahit started a war, and now Natasha would finish it.

The tracker lead her straight to a strip club, buried within the depths of the bad side of New York City. This wasn’t the first time Natasha had heard of the Red Devil. It was one of the more prominent men’s club in New York, mostly notorious for the things that go on behind closed doors. Yet, no one has found substantial enough evidence to ever close the place.

Natasha parked her motorcycle in an alleyway, scanning to make sure there was no one around who would take it. Her keys pressed into her palms as she made her way to side entrance. Parking her motorcycle meant an easier escape for her just in case things went the way she didn’t want things to.

She picked the lock to the side door quickly, closing the door softly behind her. As soon as she walked in, she could hear the girls in the club talking to each other as they each got ready for their performances.

Grabbing an outfit with as much material as possible off a hanger, she quickly went into one of the small changing areas. Though it had more material than some of the others she saw, Natasha still felt bare as she stood before the mirror. With a small narrowing of her eyes, she began to slip as many weapons as she could onto her person.

When Natasha exited the changing room, she put her clothes into a separate area nobody seemed to use. She used her outfit to bury the rest of her weapons within it, glad that the corner was dark so it wasn’t so easy to see her outfit.

“Who are you?” a girl asked when Natasha walked back down the hallway. She had grabbed a robe off a door, not caring whose it was. They’d get it back sometime.

“Natasia,” Natasha lied, the name slipping off her tongue easily. “This is my first day.”

The girl rolled her eyes, propping a hand on her hip. “That much is fairly obvious. We don’t tell the other girls our real name. I thought Clover went over that with you. He goes over that with every girl.”

“Vixen,” Natasha improvised, saying the first name that came to her mind. “My name is Vixen.”

Again, the girl rolled her eyes. She began to walk down the hall, turning back to call Natasha to walk with her. Natasha fought back the urge to take her out to make the mission more doable without her.

“You have a lot to learn, Vixen,” the girl stated. “That is your name now. Don’t ever tell anyone your real name. Everyone here has a past, and you do, too. The only thing that matters to anyone is that you keep your history to yourself, and we keep ours to ourselves.”

Natasha wondered just what kind of place this was really. She knew it was bad. The age of the girls that came here for work didn’t matter to the boss, whose name no one really knew. Most of the time, people took to calling him Mr. Red.

She got looks as she walked down the hall with the girl she didn’t know. The girl gave her tips about the people in the club, the men, and Clover. Natasha assumed that “Clover” was Mr. Red.

Loud jeers began to get louder and louder the farther down the hall they walked. When seeing Natasha’s slight frown, the girl sighed. “That’s Lolita. She’s a favorite at the club. Men love her, and so does Clover.”

There was bitterness in the girl’s voice when she talked about Lolita. Natasha guessed the two didn’t exactly see eye to eye.

The girl stopped, and Natasha did along with her. When Natasha truly looked at her, she realized just how young the girl seemed to be. It was a stretch to guess that she was eighteen.

“Whatever you do, don’t piss off Lolita. You piss off Lolita, you piss off Clover. I don’t know what kind of conversation you had with Clover during your interview, but you don’t want to fuck with him or Lolita. They can do things you could never imagine,” the girl said, a warning in her eyes.

Lolita or Clover did something to the girl. Natasha wasn’t a fool. The victim knew the warnings after the fact. They always did.

“I won’t,” Natasha said, her voice light. She was changing herself into a different person. Now, she was Vixen, a girl desperate for money so she ran to the Red Devil.

It was a good thing that she was only here to get Anahit. Natasha didn’t know what would happen if she had an encounter with Clover. If he was as bad as the girl made him out to be, she’d have trouble on her hands.

“Good,” the girl nodded. “At least you have an ounce of some damn sense. I can’t say the same for the some of the girls here.” Her voice was a low whisper. “Some of the people here are Clover’s bitches. Don’t say anything bad about him, and you’ll survive.”

The girl began to walk away, saying something about having to fix her lipstick before she went on stage

“What’s your name?” Natasha called to her. The girl could be valuable in knowing why Anahit was here. She seemed to know a lot about the place and how it functions. Maybe she’d even be able to help in shutting down the Red Devil.

She stopped, looking over her shoulder to look at Natasha. “Diamond,” she said shorty. She continued on her way down the hall.

Now alone, Natasha looked around. She pulled out the device that marked precisely where the tracker was. She was close to it, but it seemed to be below her.

The basement. Of course Anahit would be in the basement. Perhaps she was Mr. Red, a persona Natasha wouldn’t be surprised Anahit would take up.

Natasha would have to find a way to get down there, and do it without drawing suspicion. 

The door next to her opened, and two laughing girls came out. They stopped when they saw Natasha.

“Are you new?” one of the girls asked. Natasha nodded slowly. Natasia or Vixen would be shy here. She wanted to draw suspicion away from the girl who can’t seem to do anything without shaking.

The girls looked at each other. “Did Diamond talk to you?” the other girl asked. Again, Natasha nodded without a word.

They both let out a sigh of relief. “Good,” the first girl said. “Diamond is best at that for new girls. I wasn’t aware that we were getting any. Clover doesn’t tell us much, though. Come on, we’ll help you do your makeup. It’s always hard the first time.”

Both girls pulled her into the room filled with other girls. They sat her down on an old velvet chair and began to grab makeup around the vanity.

“What’s your name?” the first girl asked.

“Vixen,” Natasha answered.

“I’m Bunny, and this is Sugar,” the first girl said, introducing them. Natasha wondered if they told each other their real names.

“Glad you understand the whole no real name thing around here,” Sugar said. She began to apply foundation to Natasha’s face, and Natasha wanted to push their hands away.

“Lolita’s almost done,” a girl said, interrupting Bunny right as she was talking. All three of them turned to look at a girl in an outfit so skimpy you didn’t have to imagine anything. She looked perfect, like a doll.

“Okay,” Sugar said. “We’ll have her done before then. We’ll get on stage on time. Chill.”

The girl took a deep breath and rolled her eyes before walking out of the room. Sugar and Bunny looked at each other and sighed.

“That’s Lacey,” Sugar said. “I’m sure Diamond told you not to mess with Lolita or Clover, but you shouldn’t mess with Lacey either. She knows how to hold a grudge.”

Natasha stared at herself in the mirror. She wasn’t really working here, but this was all to get Anahit. These girls just accepted her straight into their group. It seemed like they were all a family, but that was all. They didn’t tell each other about their personal lives, they just protected each other.

“She’s been here the longest,” Bunny said. “We’re pretty sure she was one of the original girls Clover hired when he founded the Red Devil.”

Pretty sure. They really didn’t know anything about each other.

They spent the rest of the time in relative silence. Bunny and Sugar would talk to each other about what to do with her makeup, but that was it. After a little bit, her makeup was done. When Natasha looked into the mirror, she held her breath. She looked the part.

“Lolita’s probably finishing up. We have to go, Sugar,” Bunny said, walking towards the door.

“Bunny and I perform together. It makes it easier, and the men love it,” Sugar explained as she began to follow Bunny out the door. Natasha when with them, hoping to scope out a door to the basement on the way there.

When they came to a door where the jeering of men seemed the loudest, all three of them stopped. Bunny and Sugar looked at each other before looking to Natasha.

“You’ll do great, Vixen,” Bunny said. “Just remember that it’s your first time, and things may not go as well as you hope. It gets better with time. Trust me.”

Sugar tugged on Bunny’s wrist slightly. The door to the stage opened, and out walked a woman that Natasha was immediately drawn to. She wore hardly nothing but stilettos, and her head was held high. Her eyes seemed to be stone cold as she looked at Sugar and Bunny.

“You’re turn,” she said, her voice a soft melody that told the story of crashing waves and stormy nights. Natasha didn’t realize that she was holding her breath as she looked at her.

Bunny smiled a little bit, leaning in to kiss Sugar on the lips. They parted just as quickly as they came together. “Let’s go.”

Natasha hardly even saw it, however. Her eyes were stuck on the form of the woman they called Lolita. Crystals glittered on her face in the dim lighting of the hall. The outfit moved with her body like a second skin. She was gorgeous, and she knew it. Lolita held herself like a queen, a goddess.

It was hard for Natasha to remember the reason she was here in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I M B A C K
> 
> for now
> 
> i'm hoping to be more reliable with updates but i lost my password, lost inspiration, and lost the will to do anything. but we're fine now and i'm trying to edit the rest of the chapters so i can start writing new ones even though the edited chapters are basically new chapters... as you can probably see from the above chapter


	5. Cold Eyes

Left in the presence of Lolita, Natasha felt helpless. It had been a long time since she had felt like this, but she remembered the feeling. For that, she felt as helpless as much as a fool.

“Who are you?” Lolita questioned once Sugar and Bunny we’re gone. The door shut behind them, muffling the sounds of the men.

Natasha couldn’t answer for a second. She could only stare at Lolita. The woman before her rolled her eyes.

Lolita brushed past Natasha, and the redhead turned to folow her. She shook herself out of her reverie.

“Sometimes I wonder what kind of people Clover hires,” Lolita said airily. She stopped some ways down the hall to look back at Natasha. “Aren’t you going to follow?”

Since she’d been here, Natasha had been doing quite the following. First Diamond, then Sugar and Bunny, now Lolita. At least they were giving her hints about the dynamics of this places. Perhaps once Anahit was captured, she’d go after the Red Devil. She’s already making her place here.

They walked down the hall together, stopping at a room that Lolita opened without hesitation.

“This is an old private room Clover used to use for other things that he’s quit,” Lolita explained, dropping onto the chaise lounge made of old velvet. The room screamed vintage with dusty furniture and a light fixture that gave the place a dim glow.

“Why are we here?” Natasha questioned, putting a quiver in her voice. She had a part to play, and Lolita wouldn’t distract her from it. Even if she was already distracting her.

“It’s a good place to explain a few things to you, darling,” Lolita said. The mission pushed forward into Natasha’s mind. She was here on a mission.

Slowly, Natasha nodded. She could get information from Lolita. This was all for the mission.

“Sit,” Lolita commanded, gesturing to an armchair across from her own chair. Natasha did as she was told without hesitance.

For a little bit, Lolita only looked at Natasha. Every inch of skin was scrutinized by the woman as her brown eyes with honey mixed in looked up and down her body. Her long brown hair glided over her skin as she adjusted herself.

“You have the body, but I’m very sure you don’t have the guts to be here,” Lolita finally said. Natasha’s heart dropped and her fists clenched. She didn’t need anybody, including Lolita, telling her what she could and couldn’t be. Lolita didn’t know anything. Natasha is more than she could ever dream of.

Seeing Natasha’s defensive stance, Lolita rolled her eyes. “Calm yourself, darling. It’s unprofessional to get so defensive over a simple thing. I’m simply stating you’re not made for this job. It will break you,” Lolita said lightly.

If only Lolita knew that Natasha was already broken into a thousand pieces. There was nothing that could break her, not when she was already broken.

“I know what I’m doing,” Natasha said. She urged herself to stay calm and not bite back at Lolita. That would only get her in trouble.

Silence formed between them. The tension rose exponentially as Lolita watched her with eyes made of stone. Then, she laughed.

Lolita began to laugh.

A frown formed on Natasha’s face. She wondered what was so funny to the woman. There was nothing funny.

“Oh, darling. Usually the girls scream at me or cry. You are a different one. I’m assuming Diamond talked to you,” Lolita said, still laughing a little. “She was always good at explaining things. I’m quite sure she told you not to mess with me or Clover.”

Hesitantly, Natasha nodded. Lolita has proved herself to be unpredictable, a dangerous thing for her on a mission.

A small smile stretched Lolita’s face as she nodded slightly. Natasha watched each and every move closely, watching for any sign of the woman to present herself as dangerous as well as unpredictable. Natasha didn’t relax even when she showed no signs. Lolita was dangerous, and Natasha had to keep her guard up.

Lolita stood up, and Natasha watched her closely as Lolita began to walk closer to the door. “You’ll learn soon, darling, that everyone here has a history they don’t want to talk about. Never bring up anyone’s unless you want to tell us all about yours.”

She disappeared behind the door, leaving Natasha in the wake of her words. Lolita must have done this many times before. If she already knew this much about the Red Devil, Lolita could be a key factor in finding Anahit. All Natasha had to do was get closer to Lolita, and she had no qualms against that.

\-----

Natasha had planned on bringing Anahit in. Alone. She didn’t plan on the role she’d have to play to get Anahit.

Suddenly, Natasha found herself on stage, pushed out by an encouraging Bunny and Sugar. Both insisted that she’d do fine, and Natasha knew she would. This wasn’t the first time she had found herself in such a predicament.

The men located inside of the club were just as she expected. Their eyes roamed every inch of her body, and there was nothing for her to hide as she strutted down the runway.

She danced, and she did it well. This is what her mission demanded of her, so she did it without an ounce of hesitation. When it was over, she still played her role.

She would always play her role to the end.

Somewhere, back in the dark corners of the room, she could feel eyes on here that felt different from the rest. When she looked back to incorporate that in the dance she was made to perfect in the Red Room, she saw a man. From the way he stood and looked at her, there was no doubt in her mind that this was Clover. This was the man that everyone seemed to be terrified of.

Clover didn’t seem especially intimidating. In fact, he was quite handsome with a young face and hair that curled loosely. No, he was not intimidating. That in itself was something Natasha told herself to watch out for. If everyone told her not to mess with him, including Lolita, she would have to be careful with him. He was a possible obstacle given the fact that Anahit was here.

Walking behind stage once again, Natasha let herself breath. She had money sticking out of every part of her clothing. When Sugar and Bunny saw this, they nodded their heads in approval.

“You did good,” Sugar told her, and Natasha smiled. She fit well into this role, even without prepping. Her role was one of a girl who didn’t want anyone to know her past, a girl who now went by the name Vixen. This would be easy for her.

She walked back down the hallway behind Sugar and Bunny who were talking to each other animatedly. Her eyes scanned every surface for anything that could lead to a basement, her eyes stopped on the two girls who stood right beside it.

Lacey and Lolita stood there, talking to each other in hushed whispers. Their faces were serious and their eyes were grave, but they didn’t raise their voices. When Lacey saw Natasha looking at them, she quickly gave a look to Lolita who immediately stopped talking. Both parted ways, and Natasha made a mental note to keep an eye on both women.

Her mission was suddenly more than she planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're getting there people
> 
> are the chapter lengths good or should they be longer or shorter because i have absolutely no idea


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